Once again, I have a lot of blogging to catch up on. On a happy note, I have lots of pics to post from the first birthday of Miss Priss, Easter and other fun things we have been doing in this beautiful weather, but I wanted to throw in a random post first on a topic that I have been thinking about a lot lately.
Life has been so crazy the last couple of months and by 9 o'clock every night my body wants to collapse, yet I can't seem to turn my brain off. Between worrying about my mother's health, going over my to-do list for the next day, thinking of fun activities to keep Hayes entertained, trying to decide exactly which bow would look best with Ella Bailey's new outfit that I got out of the mailbox that day and wondering if anything short of bankruptcy will stop me from buying all those stinkin' cute and frilly outfits, I have also been just thinking about my life, in general....more specifically about how much my life has changed in the last 5 years.
I certainly never thought that I would be a stay-at-home mom, yet I could have never imagined how rewarding it would be. Things change so incredibly much once you have children and there are always parts of your former life that you miss, as well as parts of your current life that you wouldn't trade for anything in the world. There are also things that you do as a mother that your pre-kid self could never ever (ever ever ever) in your wildest dreams have imagined that you would be doing one day. I have been thinking about these things a lot lately and decided to compile a list. I must warn you that some of them are just downright gross, but if you have ever birthed a child I am quite sure that you are right there with me, sister. So, here is my (long) list of things that I have done so far as a mother that I never would have guessed five years ago that I would one day do......
- Suddenly become THAT mom (gasp): Ok folks, this is a BIG one in my book. The most important thing that I have learned since having kids is to never ever judge another mother. I remember many of my pre-kid trips to retail stores when I swore that I would never be THAT mom....you know the one that is threatening to cut her screaming child's arm off if they reach out and grab another toy off the shelf or the one that is frantically opening a box of cookies in the middle of an aisle and feeding them to their child(ren) in hopes of buying enough time to grab a box of diapers and a bottle of wine. Well, you guessed it....those descriptions are mild compared to some of my attempts to go out in public with both kids. On a similar note, what is up with all the buzz about Alicia Silverstone chewing up food for her child? I mean, yeah, it is extremely gross and I am not really the bird feeding type, but who am I to judge another mother that is obviously doing something because she thinks it is right for her child? I assure you that every good mother has done their own share of pretty disgusting things for her child's benefit. Granted, many mothers may not talk about those downright ugly and disgusting moments, but I, on the other hand, will give all the gory details below of a few of these things that I have done that are pretty disgusting and not exactly anything I ever thought I would do....all for your viewing pleasure.
- Spend a large portion of my day discussing, thinking about or praying for poop: Well, let's just say that I have some really constipated children and making sure that my babies have a good poop has been a constant battle at the Gardner house. Both have struggled really bad with this since birth and I have been downright amazed at what length I will go to to help my babies poop when they are bloated and in pain. I truly believe that God made Mommas with some extra special talents and dealing with poop without cringing is a great example of this. I can put a suppository in my pitiful baby with my eyes closed or physically help them poop when they were infants (I will spare you the details on this one) without thinking twice. David would gag just discussing it and it is one of those things that I never could have imagined myself doing, but it is amazing what you do without skipping a beat when your child is suffering.
- Physically become an out-of-touch with the rest of the world, walking zombie: Oh, the joys of the colicky newborn! I am one of those people that desperately need sleep in order to function and I never knew the true meaning of "sleep-deprived" until Hayes was born. You hear all the stories, but never really can comprehend that feeling until you experience it. Hayes had very bad colic, did not sleep at all for the first few months and I was truly a walking zombie that simply went through the motions. I also had very bad post-partum depression, but that is a blog post for another day. Anyway, I have always been the kind of girl that doesn't go to the mailbox without make-up on and on the rare occasion that I actually left the house during the first couple of months after Hayes' birth (usually to get formula or gripe water) I could have cared less what I looked like. I mean, I sported the spit-up covered sweats like it was freakin' Gucci. I specifically remember one funny story that is a great example of this. It was one of those mornings where I hadn't slept at all in days and Hayes had been inconsolable and screaming for four hours straight. I had just gotten off the phone with his nurse, June (we were really tight by this point), and the doc had called in another medicine for reflux to try. So, I was on the way to the pharmacy to get it and I wasn't even sure that I could drive the three miles there without falling asleep. The last 24 hours had been a total blur and I was completely in a fog. I pulled up at the drive-thru and when I put my hand out to take the prescription from the lady, I noticed that I had poop covering my fingernail on my index finger. The sweet lady just looked down at it, faked a big 'ole smile and put the prescription in my other hand. The funny thing is that I could have cared less and didn't even try to explain. Who has a poop covered fingernail in public and isn't even bothered by it??!!! The mother of a newborn with colic, that's who! Ugh, I know that is gross, but that story perfectly sums up the month or so after Hayes was born!
- Pour my heart out (tears included) to a Wal-Mart cashier: Well, after the poop on the fingernail story, you are probably thinking that I couldn't get any more loony, right? Wrong! So, on one of those glorious nights where Hayes had been crying non-stop for about five hours straight, I called the doctor's emergency line around midnight. By this time, I was quite certain they were going to start screening my calls, but I ended up getting to speak to the doctor. After my rant about how he hadn't pooped in four days (see previous bullet regarding constipation) and seemed to be in so much pain, she told me to go buy a certain formula and start giving it to him immediately. By this point, we had tried about six different kinds of formula and none of them had helped. The doctor had told us that there was a formula that greatly helped some babies with constipation, but we would try that as a last resort, because it was about triple the price of regular formula. So, we jumped in the car and headed to Walmart about 2 a.m. to get this way-out-of-our-budget formula. I marched in decked out in my pjs (another thing that I would NEVER had done pre-kid) and I about had a heart attack when I picked up the can of formula and saw the cost. OMG....we are talking about crazy expensive. Of course, I knew that it would be worth it if it helped, but this was at a time when we were doing everything to make ends meet so that I could stay at home with Hayes. Anyway, after seeing the price while standing in Wal-Mart at 2 a.m. after listening to 6+ hours of my baby endlessly screaming and not to even mention those crazy hormones, I was on the verge of tears. Well, in my pre-kid days if I had even the thought of crying for some reason in a retail store, I would have definitely atleast kept my composure until I made it to the car, but in my post-kid (2 a.m.) day, I had a breakdown to the Wal-mart employee on aisle 5. I would like to think that I would have been ok if she hadn't asked me if everything was alright, but once she did, it was all over....a straight-up, crocodile tear, snotty breakdown. Poor lady. On a happy note, the formula did help. :)
- Get excited about peeing alone: It is a known fact that once your baby comes in the door, your privacy high tails it out the door. This is one of those things that you never really think about before you have kids, but peeing alone in silence can be quite enjoyable. Hell, anything that you do in silence after you have kids can be quite enjoyable. On the rare occasion that I can actually close the door to pee, there are usually 10 fingers wiggling under the door, accompanied by two fist banging on the door. I must confess that there are times when David is home that I say I am going to the bathroom, but instead I just lock the door and sit on the counter and breathe...or look at Facebook on my phone....or pluck my eyebrows....in silence. Don't judge, you all know that you have done it atleast once.
- Google "How to treat a sick Betta fish" at 1 a.m.: Most of my pre-kid mornings at 1 a.m. were spent guzzling a fishbowl margarita, instead of desperately trying to figure out how to save the life of a sick fish inside a fishbowl.
- Condone my child peeing in public: This is another one of those "I will never be THAT mom" kind of things. I have taught Hayes where is and is not appropriate to pee, but when you gotta go, you gotta go, and when you announce you gotta go in the parking lot after a 1-hour stressful grocery shopping trip, Momma is just going to pull your pants down and hide your sweet little self behind the car door instead of lugging you and your grumpy sister back into the store.
- Worry about everything like my Momma does: It is a known fact that my Momma wakes up worrying which way the wind is going to blow that day. She is a chronic worrier and it has always drove me nuts. I have always been more of the laid-back type, but since I had kids that has certainly changed. I worry about my babies non-stop without ceasing. I know that I drive David a little crazy with this and maybe I will get better about it when they are older and seem less fragile, but I gave birth to these little boogers and by golly I am going to do everything in my power to keep them safe, healthy and happy....even if that means trading in my posh purse for a more Mary Poppins-ish one that's equipped with everything from disposable place mats to Benadryl. Last year around this time, we were at a friend's house in Birmingham and Hayes started running a fever. I always carry Tylenol with me, but this was one of those rare times that I had actually run out and failed to put a new bottle in my bag. We were about to run to the store to grab some when he had a febrile seizure. Of course I don't feel guilty for this (ok, not anymore at least) and I know that we likely wouldn't have been able to get the fever down before it spiked and caused the seizure, but I do know that it was the worst moment of my life and there is now a bottle of Tylenol permanently placed in my big 'ole bag. I have come to realize that nothing is going to change the fact that I obsessively worry about my children (and have gradually turned into my mother), so I have learned to do things that make me worry less, such as making sure that I feel prepared. Although I know that things are going to happen no matter how prepared we are, my 20lb bag makes me feel better and that is what matters, right? (Not to mention that I have a killer muscle on the arm that I carry the bag on.)
- Be late every single place I go: Oh man, this is a source of constant frustration in my life. I HATE being late. It stresses me out beyond measure. Since, I have had kids I have not been on time anywhere. I have always been the five minute early type, but now if I am only five minutes late, then it is a good day. Here's the thing....I have tried to start getting ready earlier, but it just never works. As soon as I get everyone ready and pat myself on the back on the way out the door, I realize that there is a MIA paci or someone throws up in the car seat...every-freakin'-time! So, if we plan to meet at 9, just plan to be there around 9:30...and bring some good reading material, because you still may have to wait awhile.
- Debate a 3-year-old: I am talking about seriously debating....ya know, the kind of debating where you make sure that the other party understands how certain you are of the validity of your argument...then go Google it to make sure that you are right....and I am talking about the other party being a 3-year-old. So, maybe I missed the day in Science class when they taught exactly what makes it rain (but that is what Google is for, right), but I am for sure not going to be out-smarted by a 3-year-old. One thing that I try VERY hard not to do is to answer Hayes' "why" questions in kiddie terms. I try really hard to explain to him how things work in the most developmentally appropriate way I can think of, but there are many times that I just have to throw my hands up, and I eventually end up , somehow questioning my own intelligence. Nonetheless, I am determined not to be defeated by a 3-year-old. I guess I have to get a little more creative, though, because today Hayes said, "Why is my chicken nugget bigger on one side? Oh, lemme guess...'cause God made it that way??"
- Take a night in the bed over a night on the town: I would dare say that this is probably the most extreme one for me, because this 'ole girl LOVED some clubbin' (wonder if they still call it that...damn I am old). My pre-kid self was always up for a partay no matter what day or what time, and I never dreamed that I would see a day where I'd rather take a hot bath and lie in the bed staring mindlessly at the t.v., but here I am. Don't get me wrong, I still love to go out with David when we can and I love girl's nights, but "unwinding" has a entirely different meaning to me these days. Here is my idea of a dream night right now.....me in a hotel room, no one to take care of, no one to talk to, wine, hot tub, room service, Cici's barbeque pizza, Sex and the City re-runs, hot brownie with ice cream (2 scoops).....a girl can dream, can't she?!
- Love so much it takes my breath: When I was pregnant, a friend of mine told me that there was no way to describe the love you have for your own child and you can't imagine it until you give birth. She was right....there is no possible way to put this love into words. When Hayes took his first breath, I literally lost mine. When he smiled at me first the first time with his little gummy grin, I lost my breath again, and again when he said "Momma" for the first time, and it just goes on and on. Then, when I thought that my heart couldn't hold any more of that extra special kind of love, I found out that I was pregnant with Ella Bailey and the process started all over again.
