Just requesting a few prayers...

So, here it is...the inevitable "feeling so sorry for myself" blog post. I really try to stay (outwardly) optimistic, not (publicly) complain and for, whatever reason, I don't ask for prayers for myself very often. However, I have felt compelled to do so today and I will explain why.
I was hospitalized again this week for three LONG days and nights, and yes I know, this is nothing new. However, there were a few things that made this hospital stay a little different. First of all, the bigger I get the more my uterus presses on the area where the stones are and the pain gets significantly worse as the weeks go by. When the pain gets unbearable, the vomiting begins and I reach a point where I can't keep any fluids or my meds down. This is the point at which I have to be admitted to the hospital.

The increasing days spent in the hospital is now presenting another challenge. I have had to have IVs so much that basically I no longer have viable veins in my hands or arms. They have put IVs in my neck a couple of times, but this time they decided to use whatever they could in my hands. Well, eventually the ivs began to leak (can't remember the medical terminology) into the tissue and to make a long story short, both my hands and arms are now swollen about 10 times their normal size. No joke. They are swollen to the point that I can't bend my fingers, grasp a fork, or even pick up sweet Hayes. So, they are very concerned about what they will have to do if I am hospitalized many more times.

But this, like the constant pain, is something that I have to endure. I made it through my pregnancy with Hayes (even though it wasn't this bad) and I know that with lots of prayers and the fact that I have put this in the hands of our beyond-amazing God, I can get through it. However, this hospital stay brought on another challenge, which is the reason that I am asking for prayer. All of the challenges I have faced during the last seven months have been problems that solely affected me, but this new challenge is one that could affect Ella Bailey, and that breaks my heart.

While I was in the hospital, I began contracting and eventually they gave me medicine and stopped them. Thankfully, I haven't had any more contractions and my beyond fabulous OB assured me not to worry, but of course with all that is going on, I do have a fear of her being born premature. I had Hayes at 36 weeks and 5 days, and I just pray that I make it that long with this pregnancy. So basically, I know this happens and I shouldn't worry about it, but I would just feel better if my sweet friends sent a few prayers up, and I thank ya dearly in advance :)

I do apologize for the feeling "blah" blog post, but I have been lying here in pain and feeling sorry for myself today. But, gosh darnit, I deserve one of those days. Not to mention that today I saw a FB post by someone that said "It is the best feeling ever to have a life inside of you and I don't understand why some pregnant women complain about every ache and pain." Ohhhh, hell no! Not a good day to read that! Granted, I didn't know the girl, so she certainly wasn't speaking to me, but it took every smidgen of goodness inside this 'ole girl not to send her a message saying something to the extent of "ok hefer, you try having stones covered in spikes slowly making their way down your ureter and spending most of your waking hours in pain much worse than labor . Then, while you are at it, for fun why don't you chase a two-year-old around all day, then you let me know what kind of complaining you do."

But, instead of sending the message, I chose to blog and ask for prayers. By the way, while you are at, please also pray for a little patience for this momma, because as you can see, I definately need it.

Not that I feel that this post needs a disclaimer, but let me say this, not because I feel I need to, but because it is the truth. I DO know that I am so incredibly blessed beyond imagination. I DO know that I have the best family, friends, support system, OB, etc. that any girl could ask for. I DO know that in 8 WEEKS every twinge of pain will be completely worth it when I look into Ella Bailey's sweet face. I DO know that there are so many people in this world with problems that my little challenges pale in comparison to. I DO know that I have felt no greater peace in my life than during times like these when I truly hand these problems over to God and entirely trust Him with them. But, I DO also know that a girl has to vent sometimes, and today I am content doing just that.

But, while I am venting and asking for prayers, I wanted to share a passage from a fabulous book that I just finished reading called "A Perfect Mess" by Lisa Harper. Her words remind me of the incredible beauty that follows these "venting" days when we as Christians trust our pain to Him.

"I am convinced that trusting God with our pain and disappointment leads to greater intimacy with Him. When we tell god where and why it hurts, we will experience divine embraces that last until our souls stop quivering. We will hear comforting whispers that mute our cries of distress. We will sense nail-scarred hands reaching down to tilt our faces toward Him, followed by the promise 'I am right here...I'll never leave you.'"