Justice and honor...

"It is the spirit and not the form of law that keeps justice alive." ~Earl Warren

Like so many others, my mind has been continuously filled with swirling thoughts of the Casey Anthony trial for months now. Images of her in the courtroom and words from testimony have filled all of our living rooms and news feeds. Our hearts have been filled with sorrow for that precious little angel, Caylee, and the reading of the verdict on July 5 left a void in so many of our hearts.

So many questions remained unanswered. This story has shaken us to our core and as parents, grandparents and decent human beings, we cannot understand how a jury of seven women and five men could listen to the given testimony and find Casey Anthony not guilty of committing this heinous crime.

Beyond a reasonable doubt...four little words that when put together have big consequences. So, did the verdict in this trial demonstrate a flaw in our justice system?

Perhaps so, but quite frankly, I am tired of hearing about it. Let me go one step further and say that I am tired of everyone screaming "justice for Caylee!" There I said it. I am just simply tired of hearing it. It is no secret that the words "moral" and "legal" have never been synonymous.

There is no amount of justice in this world that would give Caylee Anthony another day on this Earth. If we had heard the words "guilty" on July 5th, we would still wonder if Caylee knew that she was being taken from this world by the very person who brought her into it only a couple of years before....the woman she loved with every fiber of her little body.

Now don't get me wrong....I am in no way tired of hearing about Caylee Anthony. I am simply tired of hearing about the verdict in the trial, and I think that we should do the same thing that Casey Anthony is doing...move on. God knows that we have grieved for this precious little girl whom we have never even met, and we will continue to do so. I have a child that is the same age that Caylee was when she was killed and when I look into his innocent eyes there is simply no way that I can wrap my mind around what happened to Caylee, nor will I ever be able to. Yet the last stage of grief, according to the Kubler-Ross Model, is acceptance.

Of course I wish that Casey Anthony would open her eyes and see the dingy ceiling of a prison every morning for the rest of her miserable life, but guess what...she won't. Although we do not agree with the verdict, we must accept that it IS the verdict and look at where we go from here. We can continue on this tirade about justice or we can vow to always remember and honor the precious life that Caylee Marie Anthony lived. I choose the latter.

Unfortunately, we do not have the power to bring Caylee Anthony back, nor do we have the power to put Casey Anthony in jail. However, we do have the power to potentially save another child's life who is in danger, and I personally cannot think of a better way to honor Caylee's life than that.

According to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, an estimated 800,000 children are reported missing each year – more than 2,000 children every day. I wish that I could say this statistic does not surprise me as much as it does, but I would be lying. I had no idea that such a high number of children were reported missing each and every year in our country. Those are OUR children and as a society, whether we like it or not, we have a responsibility to them. Many of them come from families who miss them dearly each day and will never stop looking for them. Many have mothers who, like Casey Anthony, feel they are a burden to them. Yet, both groups equally need and deserve our care.

Until I started thinking about what I could do to fill the void in my heart left by the verdict of the trial, I had never visited the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children's website. I am sure I am not the only one who doesn't frequent the site, but doing so is a great way to honor Caylee's memory, in my opinion. Take a few minutes and go to http://www.missingkids.com/ and look at posters of the missing children. Sign up for text messages of AMBER alerts and emails of missing children in your area. You could be the person who sees a child at the Chevron this afternoon, recognizes them from a poster and returns them safely to their family. If you think that you don't have time to do these things, then simply give a tax-deductible donation to support the organization's program services. Just do something to help.

In my previous life, I was Policy Analyst/Communications Director/Director of the Alabama Kids Count program for Voices for Alabama's Children, a state-wide children's non-profit organization. Each year, the Alabama Kids Count program issued a report detailing the well-being of Alabama's children. Each and every year Alabama ranked in the bottom 3 in the nation. There are many reasons for this, but there are equally as many ways to make a dent in these statistics.  When it is time to renew your car tag, purchase an Alabama Department of Child Abuse & Neglect Prevention-Children's Trust Fund specialty tag. It is tax-deductible and 92% goes to fund community based prevention programs. Spend a couple hours volunteering with your local child advocacy center. It will bless you as much, if not more, than them.

In my opinion, these are all great ways to make a difference and potentially save the lives of many children just like Caylee that are right outside our front doors. However, there is one thing in particular that I could not get off of my mind, which led to a promise to myself of one thing that I will personally do to honor the short-lived life of sweet Caylee...

First of all, I mentioned earlier that it is impossible for most of us to wrap our minds around a mother willfully and purposefully killing her own child. As a mother, I live in constant fear of something happening to one of my own children, but causing them harm at my own hand is completely unimaginable. Although I know without a shadow of a doubt that I will never physically harm one of my own children, I cannot guarantee that someone else won't, and this scares the hell out of me.

Maybe it is simply human nature as a mother or maybe I go a tad overboard with my psychotic need to prevent my children from being harmed, but each time my t.v. lights up with news of another innocent child that is missing (or a victim of any crime) like Caylee, I cannot stop my mind from imagining the "what if"s. What if this was my child? What if I had to spend minutes, much less weeks, months and years, wondering if my child was suffering? What if I am not taking every precaution within my power to prevent something like this from happening to my own child? What if I woke up in the morning to an empty crib...what would I do?

The last question really got me thinking. So, I started doing some research and thought I would share with you other psychotic, over-protective, wish I could put my child in a bubble kind of moms like myself. Seriously though, I believe that you can never be too prepared or too informed when it comes to ensuring your child's well-being.

One of many things I learned through this research is that the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children's website has some excellent resources on teaching your child about safety, as well as publications regarding what to do if your child is missing.

Naively, I thought I was pretty well-informed on the latter topic and had no idea how little I actually knew. However, I can honestly tell you that I feel like a MUCH better parent after reading When Your Child is Missing, a publication of the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention that is available for download on http://www.missingkids.com/. I will also be preparing a Child ID kit (as described on the website) for both of my kiddos. By the way, I am in no way being paid for my continuous shout-outs to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, but they are seriously a phenomenal organization with invaluable resources, and I wanted to share some of what I had learned with those of you who are as uninformed as my previously naive self.

So this evening, Casey Anthony may have her "freedom", but there is one mama in this 'ole world who will sleep a little easier tonight knowing that she has taken one extra step to protect her own children from harm, as well help other children like little Caylee, who is so deserving of everlasting love. No, this does not mean that Caylee will see another sunrise through innocent eyes or that Casey will see another sunset through metal bars, but it does mean that this mama will wake up tomorrow morning with four insanely beautiful eyes staring lovingly back at me, and for that I am beyond blessed.

The big screen

On Sunday, Hayes went to see his first movie on the "big screen." My friend Shawna, her son (and Hayes' buddy) Reece, Hayes and I all went to see Winnie the Pooh. We had a blast! I will never forget Hayes' face when he saw that big 'ole screen for the first time. His eyes were as big as saucers!

Now, I must admit that I had doubts that we would even make it through half the movie because Hayes' attention span is pretty much non-existant.  He usually doesn't even pay attention to movies at home for more than 5 minutes, but we had to try it out sometime, and Winnie the Pooh was actually the perfect movie for the virgin movie-goer. It had a lot of singing and dancing, and it was also a very short film. Of course, Hayes got up and down many times, did lots of out loud (very loud) commentating, but we made it through the entire movie with only one potty break and two episodes of me threatening his life if he didn't stop banging the armrest up and down. Success!!

He liked the movie, but the highlights of the trip for him were the snacks, the huge screen, his buddy Reece being there, the fact that I let him carry in a stuffed animal that had a leading role in the movie (Tigger), and last but certainly not least.....the seats that scrunched his body up so his feet could touch his forehead if he leaned back far enough. Now, that was cool.

When the credits rolled, Hayes said "I wanna watch more movie" and he has been begging to go back ever since. I must say that I was very proud of the little booger!

My little firecracker

"A strong will creates a determination that grabs life by the throat and makes it happen. Channeled for good, it can make wonderful things happen."~Bette Dowdell

Last week, I gave an update on Ella Bailey and promised one on Hayes to come. Although I am calling them "updates" I realized yesterday that I have never really blogged about who Hayes is. Sure I have told lots of stories about him and things he did, but nothing about his personality, and boy does he have A LOT of personality! When referring to children, you always hear people say, "Oh that is just a stage he/she is going through and they will grow out of it." Well, I have been telling myself that about Hayes' daily actions for a little over two years and a few months ago I finally came to the realization that these aren't "stages" that he is going through, but his personality instead.

Since I am describing Hayes I could actually save you a lot of time and you could quit reading this blog post now. I could tell you to look up the definition of a strong-willed child and that pretty much sums up Hayes. He is a firecracker and there is never a dull moment when he is around. Every single time that he wants something and doesn't get it, you would think the world just ended...breakdown! Although there is a lot of sweat and tears (and blood sometimes too), parenting a strong-willed child can be such a blessing. Of course there are (many) days that I have to remind myself of the quote above by Bette Dowdell and focus on the fact that it truly is a great thing. The part I pray continuously about is that David and I will be sucessful in the ultimate responsibility of "channeling it for good."

I constantly think about something my Paw Paw said one time about my cousin, Judd, who was also the epitome of a strong-willed child and someone that Hayes reminds me so much of. Paw Paw said, "As long as they keep making kids like Judd, they will always keep building prisons." This cracks me up!! I will never forget one particular story about Judd when he was around Hayes' age. He had gotten in trouble and my uncle spanked him and was making him stay in their bedroom. My uncle told him that he could come out of the room and wouldn't get another spanking if he would just tell them that he wouldn't do whatever it was that got him in trouble again. Well,  after about an hour of Judd sitting in the room crying, my mom went in and said, "Judd, just tell them that you can behave and they will let you come out and play." To that he replied, "Well, I don't know if I can!!!!" That is SO something Hayes would say!!!

I knew that we were in trouble when we spanked Hayes for the first time and he simply gritted his teeth and smiled. Then, we tried a "time-out" stool and the only way that would work is if we physically glued his butt to it. Then, we tried locking him in his room for time out by using a child safety lock (don't call DHR, it was the pediatrician's suggestion.) Well, that would have worked fine if we were ok with having all the contents of the toy boxes, dresser and closet strung out all over his bedroom. Not to mention the fact that it didn't take him long to figure out the child-proof lock....and this is only a few disciplinary techniques that we have tried with Hayes.

But, I am not gonna lie...I am not much of a disciplinarian, and this actually surprises me. My mom was the disciplinarian in my family and I always thought that I would be the same way. However, even when Hayes is at his worst, sometimes it physically nauseates me for him to get a spanking. If he ever got a spanking with a "hickory" or a belt like I did (which we will never do), I am quite sure I would probably throw up. I don't know why I am like this, but it absolutely kills me. Now, let me pause and say that I know many of you are probably frowning as you read this because you don't believe in spanking, which is fine. However, we have tried everything else and spanking (with our hand) is what works best for Hayes. Time out or other disciplinary actions may work best for Ella Bailey, and if so, that is what we will do with her. Yet as much as it kills me inside to spank (or see David spank) Hayes, I will never let Hayes know that and it is what we will continue to do while it works. As much as I hate it, I know that it is necessary and teaching him right from wrong is the best gift we can give him.

We have also found that consistency is key for Hayes. For example, if you tell him not to hit he will smile, get in your face and act like he is about to hit you. That child will test you to the limits! That is why threats are worth nothing with him. You can tell him not to do something and he is going to do whatever it is you told him not to do with a big 'ole smile on his face, just to test you and then start screaming apologies once you get up and show him that you will follow through on the threat. God love him, though!

I have talked about all the negative aspects of Hayes' strong-willed personality, but I don't have near enough time to blog about all the positives. I said earlier that he had a lot of personality and I mean A LOT! I swear that he makes me laugh until I cry atleast a few times a day and many days my abs are sore when I go to sleep at night from laughing at him. I always say that his mission in life is to crack us up, because all he does is look for something to make us laugh. If there is silence in the room, he will start making funny faces or say "turn on some music, Mama" and start shaking his booty. He will truly do anything for a laugh!

He is such an attention hog, which drives me nuts sometimes because he absolutely cannot play by himself, and if for some reason he is playing with something by himself, it is constantly "watch mama, look at this, watch what I am doing". But, it also makes for constant laughter and I will take that any day. There are so many things that he says/does that I never want to forget and I really need to start putting them in the blog, so at the end I am going to write a few things that he has said/done in the last couple of days.

But, back to the great parts of his personality...as much meaness as he can pour out at times, he can pour out even more love and sweetness. There is no grey area for Hayes. It is either black or white and everything he does is with 100% of his heart, and this is amazingly beautiful to me. Just like he makes me burst out in crazy laughter every day, he also brings me to tears by the sweet things he says daily. It is so true that little boys love their mamas and this one has captured my heart! For example, I had a root canal Tuesday and my tooth was hurting and he asked me what was wrong. When I told him he replied, "Awww, just let me hold ya, mama. You will feel better." Pure sweetness.

Speaking of sweetness, I am constantly amazed at how much he loves Ella Bailey. I was so worried about how he would react to her arrival and actually lost many nights of sleep over it. I figured that he would get used to her, but I had no idea that he would love her so dearly. He really does think that she hung the moon and although I know there will be many fights and screaming matches, I also know in my heart of hearts that this level of love will never change. The beautiful thing is that she already loves him as much. She will not take her eyes off of him and she grins from ear to ear if he even looks her way. We were all cuddling a couple of nights ago and he said, "Mama, I really like Ella Bailey. She is just soooo pretty." Nothing melts my heart more than those words!

As you probably know, Ella Bailey was very much not planned and we really didn't want another child for a few years, one reason being that Hayes was such a handfull. But as always, it happened on God's perfect timing and I couldn't be happier that they will only be two grades apart in school. God is good!

Well, I can't give an update on Hayes without talking about all the things that he is "in to" right now. First of all, I am SO amazed at the leap in language development after two years. I just love that I can now have a normal conversation with him. He NEVER stops talking and asks about a million questions a day, many of which I don't even know the answer to such as "Mama, what makes the rain just stop." Hmmm, let me tweet James Spann and get back to you on that one, Hayes.

Robert Brault once said, "A child seldom needs a good talking to as a good listening to" and I believe this with all my heart. When Hayes started talking to I promised myself that I would never get too busy to really listen to him, and listening to Hayes is a full-time job! However, I know that one day I will give anything in the world to hear that little two-year-old voice in my ear again.

Hayes' favorite hobby right now is definately fishing! He caught his first fish at the pond beside his Betty Boo and Granddaddy's house and he has been addicted ever since. My mom bought him a totally cool rod & reel and tackle box and you would have thought she had bought him a new car. He was pumped!

He also loves to swim. His Betty Boo (David's mom) took him swimming a while back and told me that he was going underwater. So I thought, ok he is probably sticking half his face under water for .5 seconds. Well, I went swimming with him and he wanted to jump off the side. When I put my hands out to catch him he said, "Noooo, you don't catch me. I go all the way under."

He is also a BIG dancer and you can bet your life that if there is music, Hayes is gonna be shakin' it!

He also loves to play "rodeo" where we turn on some loud country music and either David or I have to stand up and wave an American flag continuously while Hayes rides around the house on a stick horse. Then David and I have to ride (there will be no pictures shown of this.) So here is Cowboy Hayes during a couple of the rodeos....

 (We can't keep clothes on him either!)

And now for my fav update on Hayes....he is now fully potty trained!! Yay! He was doing really well, but totally regressed when Ella Bailey was born, which our pediatrician told us was expected. So we didn't push it at all and one day it just clicked, and he hasn't looked back since. He still wears a pull-up at night, but that is the only time, and it is just second nature now. It is so true that they will do it when THEY are ready! But here is the funny part....for a while he would refuse to poo poo in the potty. He would even beg to put a diaper back on when he had to poo poo. (By the way, you know you are old when you talk about poo poo this much in a blog post). But, he eventually did it and has been obsessed with doing it ever since. The part that is funny is that when he is at home he poo poos in the potty a bit differently than most....

Whatever works, ya know?

So, for the sake of my terrible memory (which can be a blessing when reminiscing about my high school and college days), I am going to post some funny things that Hayes has done/said in the last couple of days, and I am determined to continue to do this for both babies in future blog posts.

• First of all, Hayes loves pizza and can identify the signs of Pizza Hut/Little Ceasars/Cici's/Mellow Mushroom/Dominos/Hungry Howies from a mile away in any city we are in. Obviously, he can't read but you better believe he has those signs memorized!
• This is not from the last few days, but I don't want to forget it....As I mentioned earlier, it took Hayes a while to poo poo in the potty and I told him that if he did I would get him a surprise (I am huge proponent of bribery). So he and Jennifer called me during the day celebrating when he did and said he wanted a movie for his surprise. That afternoon I took him to Target to pick out a movie. After deciding on one we went to checkout and he handed the movie to the cashier, grinned from ear to ear and exclaimed loudly "I pooped in the potty!!" She started dying lauging, gave him a high five and said, "Good job! So I see you got a movie." Hayes said, "Yep. Did you poo poo in the potty? Want to go watch it with me?"
• The other night, I was doing stuff around the house and Ella Bailey was in the swing. Hayes kept messing with her and I asked him about five times to leave her alone. Finally, I said loudly "Hayes I told you to leave her alone!!" He replied, "Um, she IS my sister!!!"
• He also asks me where MiMi, Paw Paw, Lexie (the dog), etc. is and I always tell him that they are in Fort Payne. So the other night when he was going to sleep he said, "Mama, does Jesus live in Fort Payne too?"
• We let him watch a movie while going to sleep (I know, I know) and since EB was born we have had to lay down with him while he goes to sleep (I know, I know). David was lying down with him the other night and I came in to switch places with David. When I laid down Hayes said, "Mommy can I watch a movie." I figured David just hadn't turned the movie on, so I went and put a movie in. When I laid back down Hayes was silent for about five minutes (very strange). Finally, he said "Mommy, Daddy turned the movie off." So I said, "Why did he do that? Did you get in trouble?" He said, "Yeah, I just couldn't stop getting up." (Apparently his conscience finally got the best of him.) So last night we were eating dinner and I said, "Daddy, did Hayes tell you that he told me to turn the tv on last night?" David said, "Hayes you know that I turned the tv off because you were in trouble, so why did you ask Mommy to turn it on?" To which Hayes replied, "Just please talk to mommy about it."
• I was changing clothes and Hayes was in the room playing with his fake camera. He all of a sudden started yelling "Ohhhhhhh Ohhhhhhh Ohhhhhhh". I asked him what was wrong and he said, "I just took a picture of your behind."

Last, but certainly not least....Every night after devotion, prayers and all that, I sing a verse of a song from one of my favorite childhood books to Hayes. Last night, I was singing "I'll love you forever. I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living my baby you'll be." Hayes looked up at me with those precious baby blues and said, "You'll always be my mommy." In moments like that I know that I can deal with any permanent stain on the carpet or tantrum in Wal-Mart, because that, my friend, is true love.

Missed me?

I feel like, first of all, I should re-introduce myself. Anybody check out the date of my last blog post? Yep, the first week of May. I know, I know. Let me say that having two kids is no joke. Add those two nuggets to my new full-time (very full) time job and I barely have time to breathe, much less blog. For those of you that do all of this with more than two kids, well....I am praying for you.

A lot of people have let me know that they are feeling sorry for the poor pitiful blog (and are also wondering if we are still alive), and I have been feeling pretty guilty considering I had decided this was going to be my "scrapbook" for the kids. So, I have set a goal that I will blog about our life atleast once a week (hopefully).
Anyway, I am finished making excuses for my laziness and procrastination, so I will give an update on my two little sweeties. First, Miss Ella Bailey......

is four months and I simply cannot believe it. Where does the time go? She had her 4-month check up yesterday and weighed almost 15lbs and was 24 1/2 inches long. Not too shabby considering she was a month early, weighing in at 6lbs and only 18 inches long!! I get tickled every time I change her diaper, because she is a roly poly! Hayes was so lean and never had any rolls, so it cracks me up to look at her triple chin and the massive amount of rolls she has. Also, her hair is finally coming in and it is....you guessed it....red! I guess there is no escaping those genes. She still looks JUST like her big brother though and I mean exactly.

David took her for her check up yesterday and when the doctor came in she said, "This baby looks just like her mama!" (I had to throw that part in). She also said that she is definately going to have brown eyes, which I can't believe. I figured that she would have blue eyes like her dad and brother, but they have started getting really dark and Dr. Wood confirmed that she is definately going to have her mama's eyes :)

As for personality, she is seriously the best baby. She started sleeping through the night at 5 weeks (this mama's dream) and usually goes to bed around 8 p.m. and doesn't move until around 7 a.m. I love it, but it also makes me nervous because I always have to check to make sure she is breathing! She is also such a happy baby. You look at her and she just cracks up. Her favorite song is "Shake, shake, shake, shake your booty" and everytime I sing it she starts cackling out loud and loses her breath laughing. I don't know why she thinks that song is so funny (don't know why I got the idea to sing it to her either), but she loves it! She also thinks her big brother is a hoot and she can't take her eyes off of him. She thinks he is the funniest thing ever (so do I)!

Last night, Ella Bailey had her first bite of baby food. Now Miss Priss is a BIG eater and takes her time with the bottle very seriously, but I thought that it would take her a few feedings to adjust to the baby food. So, we got her all prepped and ready...

And the party began! She was a bit skeptical at first...

But after a few bites Miss Piggy was hooked and she started pulling my hand with the spoon to her mouth, trying to speed up the process. When I would take the spoon away she would start trying to eat her bib!

I forgot how much I had missed those "first moments"! Anyway, on another note and back to talking about Ella Bailey and her big bro...Although they look exactly alike, their personalities could not be any more different. She is calm and laid back, he is VERY high strung, she slept through the night at 5 weeks, he had colic (enough said), she loves to eat, he could have cared less about food, she loves to just sit and play with her toys, if he is playing he demands that you are watching and giving him a"that's great, Hayes, good job" the entire time, etc. Now I am not going to lie...although I love Hayes' firecracker personality and nobody can make me laugh like he does, the thought of two kids two years apart in age that are both as wild as he is scares the hell out of me. But, we have been quite sure that Ella Bailey is going to be the little "sweet and innocent" one. However, something that happened yesterday made me wonder.

She had to get her shots yesterday at her check-up and I am so glad that David was the one that took her, because I just cannot handle the look of terror in their little eyes when the nurse sticks the needle in and she was SO pitiful last time. Well, David gave me a call after the appointment and told me that I was not going to believe what he was about to tell me. He said that he held Ella Bailey down and the nurse stuck the shot in her leg and guess what Ella Bailey did....she gritted her teeth (ok, her gums) and just looked straight into the nurse's eyes. She did not shed a tear!! How does my little girly, sweet, sensitive doll baby not even flinch when she gets a shot?! When he told me my first thought was "Oh dear God, she is going to be just like Hayes" and I pictured all the times that Hayes merely looked at us and cracked a grin after being spanked. Then my second thought from my paranoid mommy side, of course, was that I needed to research the disease that causes you not to feel pain. Well, I know that she can feel pain, so what if it is just straight-up meaness?? Oh goodness gracious!

With all of that said, Ella Bailey has truly blessed our lives in unimaginable ways. It still amazes me how much my heart has grown, because I could not envision loving another being like I loved Hayes. I have such a feeling of completeness in my life now and I absolutely love it! Speaking of my little love bug, Hayes, I will give an update on him in my next post. But, for now, I will leave you with a picture of Ella Bailey hanging out in one of her favorite places....