Boo, Boo Boo and Boo Boo Boo

Last week, our beloved Beta fish, Boo, passed away. It was a very difficult time at the Gardner house. Hayes has never lost anyone (or anything) close to him and I now believe that you can explain death to a young child in every possible way that you can think of, but they will not fully understand it (as much as a child can) until they experience it.

I must say that I never thought that I would shed tears over the death of a fish, but it turns out that this is merely one more thing to add to my "Things I never thought I would do, but have done since being a Mommy" list (right above looking forward to the opportunity to pee alone). Anyway, my heart broke for Hayes, for his loss and for the fact that every fiber of his sweet little self was trying to understand the ins and outs of death.

Boo was a 2nd birthday present for Hayes and he loved him from the moment we got him. He was a bit of an impulse buy while I was at Pet Smart and I thought that it would be something different to give Hayes, while hopefully having the added benefit of a lesson in responsibility. I was not too concerned when the cashier happily told me that he came with a 14-day money back guarantee, because I thought that Hayes' excitement would likely last for two days max, but I was oh so wrong. Not only did Hayes love to just sit and watch him swim, but he also amazed me with how good he was about remembering to feed him, ask me to change his water, etc. Boo was the first pet Hayes had that was all his own and not only did he teach Hayes a great lesson about being responsible, but his death also taught Hayes a sad lesson that we all must learn. Yet the most important lesson in all of this was really teaching Hayes that although death is sad, we should also feel joy, because of a glorious place we call Heaven.

Although I knew that Hayes loved Boo, I was a little taken back by how upset Hayes was by his death. Actually, I didn't expect it at all. Yet, what was more unexpected than that were the questions that Hayes began asking. Although Hayes is only 3 years old and this was the first time he has experienced death, he had the exact same questions that adults have when they lose a loved one. The only difference is Hayes expressed his emotion outwardly and asked these questions freely. I believe that many times we (adults) feel like we know the answers, but still struggle with these questions in our minds. We know that our loved ones are in a better place, where there is no pain or sorrow, and we know that we shouldn't question God's plan, yet we still do and instead struggle with these questions internally. When it comes to the death of our loved ones, whether we admit it or not, we all struggle with selfishness. A 3-year-old is no different and Hayes' recurring statement was, "I know that Boo is happy with Jesus, but I don't care, because I want him to still be here with me!" Thinking back to a time when you lost a loved one, how familiar is that question?

Well, since this post is already depressing, I suppose I should document Boo's final days. :) Here is the crazy part (as if an entire blog post mourning the death of a fish isn't crazy enough)..... Two weeks before Boo passed away, I walked by his tank and noticed that he was belly up. Hayes was asleep and I didn't want him to see Boo belly-up, so we made the impulsive decision that we should replace him without Hayes knowing. Don't judge. :) So, I told David to give him a proper "burial". Well, apparently David's idea of a proper "burial" includes a cold toilet, but guess what?!? I hear, "OH my Gosh, Boo is ALIVE!!!". What?! Not only has this fish exceeded his 14-day money back guarantee by almost 2 years, but the dang thing also rose from the dead!!!! I know, I know....this story just gets crazier and crazier, huh? Welcome to my life.

So, David takes Boo out of his tank to flush him and he starts breathing and flopping!!!! Although, Boo cheated death, I could tell that he was still sick. He wouldn't eat much and wouldn't swim away from the top of the water, so I had a feeling that his days were limited. Well, I get the great idea that I am going to heal our fish, so next thing I knew I found myself on the Internet at 1 a.m. researching Betas for two hours...and there was not even alcohol involved. I finally decided that Boo had lived a good life and that I would just let him die naturally without intervening with meds. :) On the bright side, I am now a Beta expert, so if anyone has any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me.

I talked to Hayes about Boo being sick and we prayed for him a lot, but he still was not prepared. One night a couple of weeks later, Hayes told me to come look at Boo and he had definitely passed away. So, we laid in the bed and had a long conversation with Hayes. The saddest part was that he was asking all of these questions and I noticed his lip quivering. He looked away as tears welled up in his eyes and for some reason, he was trying SO hard not to cry. I grabbed him and we both burst into tears.

Boo avoided the flush and instead got a real burial in our yard. After a lot of discussion, Hayes decided that he wanted to get another Beta, so we decided that we would take a family trip to Pet Smart and let him pick out another fish. The day that we were planning to go, Hayes said, "Momma, I would like to ask the lady at the store if she could give us Boo's Daddy. I would get his Momma, but I think that Boo is probably playing with his Momma in Heaven right now." Hayes also decided that he wanted to name his new fish Boo Boo. :)

So, we got Boo Boo, a new (and much improved) tank and lots of pretty plants for him to enjoy. The bad part was that the lady at Pet Smart told us that they had received a bad shipment of Bettas with contaminated water that week, but hey...there is a 14-day money back guarantee!! I surely didn't want Hayes to have to go through another fish death, but I also knew that we had to get a fish that night because Hayes' little heart was set on it, so David and I decided that we would make a quick replacement without Hayes knowing if need be. Well, need be......a day later, thank goodness at nap time and thank goodness that David  was able to make an emergency trip home and then hightail it off to Pet Smart. The Pet Smart lady told him that the water problems were all fixed and this one should be really healthy and, thankfully, Hayes never noticed. I officially named him Boo Boo Boo, but he is still just "Boo Boo" to Hayes.

The funny part is that I think God made this fish just for Hayes. I never knew that a fish could be funny, but he cracks us up. He is about half the size of the original Boo and he is a little firecracker. He swims around his tank with crazy energy and "dances" with Hayes when he gets in front of his tank. :)

Dealing with death is extremely difficult for us all, regardless if you are 3 or 93, and regardless if it is the death of a family member or something as small as a fish. The most we can ask for is comfort, peace and understanding. While trying to help Hayes understand Boo's death, I shared a poem with him that has always brought me great comfort when I have lost a beloved pet....


Just this side of Heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge...

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food and water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable. All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.

The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing: they miss someone very special to them; who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. The bright eyes are intent; the eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to break away from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster. YOU have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

THEN YOU CROSS RAINBOW BRIDGE TOGETHER..

As for us, we will always believe that there are also aquariums as far as the eye can see along the Rainbow Bridge.

Our new buddy, Boo Boo :)